Giving to God

So, I regularly wake up and consider the importance of giving God my best. I mean I pray and study religiously so that I can give God more. My heart is right. But my stupid mind keeps getting in my way - i am not even sure exactly what it is getting in the way "of". Is it my serving God, or pleasing God, or just simply my effectiveness and my joy? See what I mean? My mind complicates things.

Anyway, I have been wanting to give God my best and I have made my service a pride thing. I would wake up and say, "I am so thankful for my iphone because it helps me stay focused and organized as a mom." I really thought that a lot of people want things, but I was different. I needed that iphone because it was a tool to help me do all the things the Lord gives me to do. I justified that iphone because I wanted it.

Now, my iphone has been misplaced,I am forced to say oh well. Part of me wants to say, "Oh well, I hope I never get another phone again. I've learned to value my time differently and that things are never really mine, but God's." But the other me just wishes wholeheartedly that I wasn't so stupid and forgetful. I'd just say careless, but I really do care. I am apparently incapable of holding onto things. Luckily I hold onto people quite well.

This morning, then, when I awoke to give God my all, I realized maybe I have been doing it all wrong. Instead of pridefully rising to try and give him everything, maybe I should be bowing and giving him my humility. Today, I do not pray that he would use my good works and selfless deeds to further his kingdom. Today I pray that he could use my mess and insufficiency. May he use my mistakes to bring his glory. And that thought, to me, is beautiful. Then he truly will get the glory. The thought gives me peace because maybe I have been cheating God with my praise. I have a wonderful family, and a beautiful home, and a masters degree. It is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that I achieved this. But these are all gifts.

Let me be done with giving you amazing things with the faulty thought that you need my help. Instead, let me give you my humble brokenness and watch you use that for your glory.

May the Righteous be Glad and Rejoice Before God

Five years old has been a year of whining. My girls turn six this week and my greatest praise is that they are learning to be content. They ask less often for ice cream for breakfast and they fuss less when it is time for bed. They are learning, I guess, that although there is a world of opportunity out there and sparkly, sugary things to grab - sometimes mom just knows best. They takee me at my word now with less dejection. And by any means it is not always. Just yesterday we cried for a bike ride in the middle of a thunderstorm, but we are getting there and I see progress. And I cannot help but think, Praise God! They are finally learning the obvious!

But when I turn in my devotions, and I see Israelites acting like children - I remember I too am called a child of God. And I wonder- am I learning to believe the obvious? If I know that I know that God is good and has great plans for me, why do I so persist in mine? The last few weeks I have been quiet inside, wonderig if my career path is chosen for me. Really, though, I have been begging for a new thing to do. I have not been content before the Lord - and if I am not even content, then how can I rejoice and praise him? And how will others know and yearn for him - not from my example.

So today I turn back and say this prayer. May the righteous be glad and rejoice before God (Psalm 68:3). He daily bears our burdens. Let not my restlessness be a burden to Him.