God's been talking bout me
and I mean to disagree
h'e been having his way
and sharing with his son
the plans he has for me
and -like I said-
I'm not sure I agree.

He calls me names
like annointed
and holy
he's written me into his tree
and grafted in my energy
so that he can speak plans over me
and just take the reigns of my life

they bless me and lay works
before me that they want me to pick up
and all the while
i am praying down here
to just listen to me
and what I have figured out

its funny.

Little Girls and Big Plans

This morning my little girl woke up with big plans on her mind.
She carried down her princess book collection
all twenty hardcover storybooks
(it took three trips)
and stacked them up tight.
Like an autograph signing session
she opened the covers, and chose a ball point pen.
She then began to write her name,
not just Katie – but Katie Hope LaDuc-
she meant to claim those books with a flourish.

I watched her with tenderness-
proud that she valued the written word-
but on book number two
it all fell apart.
The perfect moment she envisioned
and the mark she wanted to leave on each
was smudged.
She had made a backwards “e”
and recognizing her error, tried to erase it with her thumb.
But ink doesn't erase, it just smears.
Her flawed “e” became a mess of ink
and a when a tear dropped in
it pooled into nothing less than ugly marks upon the page.

Sweet Katie had wanted nothing more than to leave a pretty mark.
She wanted to call the book her own
and then to keep it close like treasure.
That is all.

As I brushed a strand of hair
out of her teary eyes
I had a god's-eye vision.

How often does he wipe a lock from my brow
and hold me gently too
to comfort from my messes.
I am the child who tries to write with elegance
but instead has leaky pens and misspelled words
that make me want to blot out all I've done.
When it is too late to erase
or too engrained to re-pen
and I can only gaze and cry upon my labors
-it is then I feel the hand of God
pulling at my shoulder
telling me to step back.
I'm trying with too much of me
and not enough of him-
too early, ahead of his plans
I grab my collections and write without plans
without drafts or brainstorming sessions-
and yet I expect perfection to be laid upon my pages.

How funny we are
-silly, really.
To think so proudly that the collections even need our name.
No one is looking at them with malicious or envious eyes.
They are not going on a journey in need of identification.
We keep the treasures in a pile in our room or on a high shelf
but still, we want our mark upon them.

I took the pen from Katie's hand
and held her tightly, then led her to the sofa.
I pulled a blanket out and whispered
“It's too early, sweetie.
Lay your head here and rest.”
She obeyed without a word
because her desire to be loved
outweighed her desire to write in the princess books.
I won her over easily because she wanted to be lead.

Tonight we will try another pen. One that doesn't smudge.
I will take a book at a time and point where she should write.

I am thankful that God does the same for me
because today I woke up with big plans on my mind.